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 As with many issues
which confront children and parents, effective communication
is
extremely
important in promoting child safety. Remember, children who are not
listened to
or who do not have their needs met in the home tend to be more
vulnerable to
exploitation and abduction.
You should establish an atmosphere,
which allows your child to feel truly comfortable in discussing
sensitive matters
and in relating experiences in which someone may have approached the
child in
an inappropriate manner. The truth is that children are often too
afraid or
confused to report their experiences and fears. In some ways, you
should treat
your children as you would your adult friends - allow
them to talk freely about their likes and
dislikes, friends, and true feelings. Also, without being judgmental,
it is
important for you to make your feelings and expectations known.
Unfortunately,
the rising awareness of crimes
against children has left many families with a real sense of fear. You
and your
child need to be careful, but you do not need to be afraid. Talk to
your child
in a calm and reasonable manner, being careful not to over-emphasize
the
frightening details of what might happen to a child who does not follow
the
safety guidelines.
"Stay away from
strangers" is a popular warning used to combat abduction and
exploitation.
However, many children are abducted or exploited by people who are
familiar
with and perhaps even close to the children. They mayor may not be
known to the
parents.
The term "stranger"
suggests a concept that children often do not understand. It is one
that
ignores what we do know about the people who commit crimes against
children. It
misleads children into believing that they should be aware only of
individuals
who have an unusual or slovenly appearance.
Instead, it is more
appropriate to teach our children to be on the lookout. for certain
kinds of
situations or actions, rather than certain kinds of individuals.
Often
exploiters or abductors initiate seemingly
innocent contact with the victim. They may try to get to know the
children and
befriend them. They use subtle approaches that both parents and
children should
be aware of.
For
example, children can be raised to be
polite and friendly, but it is okay for them to be suspicious of any
adult
asking for assistance. Children help other children, but there is
normally no
need for them to be assisting adults. They should know that it is okay
to say
"NO" - even to an
adult.
Remember, a
clear, calm and reasonable message
about situations and actions to be concerned about is easier for a
child to
understand than a particular profile or image of a "stranger."
- Know
where your children are at all times. Be familiar with their friends,
friends'
parents or guardians, and daily activities.
- Be
sensitive to changes in your children's behavior; they are a signal
that you
should sit down and talk to your children about what caused the
changes.
- Be
alert to a teenager or adult who is paying an unusual amount of
attention to
your children or giving them inappropriate or expensive gifts. However,
it is
important to handle suspicions reasonably, since many people are kind
because
they simply like children.
- Teach
your children to trust their own feelings and assure them that they
have the
right to say "no" to what they sense is wrong.
- Listen
carefully to your children's fears and be supportive in all your
discussions
with them.
- Teach
your children that no one should approach them or touch them in a way
that
makes them feel uncomfortable. If someone does, they should tell a
parent or
other trusted adult immediately.
- Carefully
select babysitters and any other individuals who have custody of your
children.
If you do not know them well, obtain references and check them
thoroughly.
- Prior
to allowing your child to visit an unfamiliar friend's home without
you, make
it a point to get to know the friend and his or her parents. Depending
on the
age of your child, it may be appropriate to coincide a parent "get
acquainted" visit with your child's first visit.
As
soon as your children can articulate a sentence, they can begin the
process of learning
how to protect themse1ves against abduction and exploitation. Children
should
be taught:
- His or her name and address
and how to write them;
- His or her telephone number
(including the area code) and the telephone number
of the local law enforcement agency and how to dial them.
- If you are in a public place
(e.g., a store, shopping mall, amusement park) and
you get separated from your parents, don't wander around looking for
them.
Immediately go to a checkout counter or a security officer and tell the
person
in charge that you have lost your mom or dad and need help in finding
them.
- You should not get into a
car or go anywhere with any person unless your
parents have told you that it is okay.
- If someone follows you on
foot or in a car, stay away from him or her. You
don't need to go near the car to talk to the people inside.
- Grownups and other older
people who need help should not be asking children for
help (asking you for directions or for help in looking for a lost pet.)
They
should be asking older people.
- No one should be telling you
that your mother or father is in trouble and that
he or she will take you to them.
- If someone tries to take you
somewhere, quickly get away from them and yell or
scream "This man is trying to take me away" or "'This person is
not my father (or mother)."
- You should try to use the
"buddy system" and avoid going places
alone.
- Always ask for permission
from a parent or other person in charge (e.g.,
babysitter, teacher) to leave the yard or play area or to go into
someone's
home.
- Never hitchhike or try to
get a ride home with anyone unless your parents have
told you it is okay to ride with him or her.
- No one should ask you to
keep a special secret or to privately take your
picture. If he or she does, tell your parents, teacher or other trusted
adult. .
- No
one should touch you, nor should you touch anyone else on parts of the body normally
covered by a
bathing suit. Your body is
special and private.
- You
can be assertive, and you have the right to say "no" to someone who
tries to take you somewhere, touches you, or makes you feel
uncomfortable in
any way.
- You
should not answer the door when parents are
not home and should not say that you are alone when someone calls on
the
telephone.
Sexual
exploitation should not be confused with physical contact which is
associated
with true expressions of affection. A warm and healthy relationship can
exist
if adults respect the child and place reasonable limits on their
physical
interaction.
Child
molesting is often a repeat crime. Many children are victimized a
number of
times. The reality of sexual exploitation is that often the child is
very
confused, uncomfortable and unwilling to talk about the experience to
an adult.
But they will talk if you have already established an atmosphere of
trust and
support in your home, where your child will feel free to talk without
fear of
accusation, blame or guilt.
Indicators
of sexual abuse may include:
- Changes
in behavior, extreme mood swings, withdrawal, fearfulness and excessive
crying.
- Bed-wetting,
nightmares, fear of going to bed or other sleep disturbances.
- Acting
out inappropriate sexual activity or showing an unusual interest in
sexual
matters.
- A
sudden acting out of feelings or aggressive or rebellious behavior.
- Regression
to infantile behavior.
- A
fear of certain places, people or activities; especially being alone
with
certain people. Children should not be forced to give affection to an
adult or
teenager if they do not want to. A desire to avoid this may indicate a
problem.
- Pain,
itching, bleeding, fluid or rawness in the private areas.
- Speaking
about sexual matters with a degree of knowledge or using language which
is
inconsistent with the age of a child.
Every
home and school should establish a program, which effectively teaches
children
about personal safety measures. As a parent, you should not only ensure
that
the basic rules of safety are taught and understood, but reinforced
periodically. And, most important, make your home a place of trust and
support
that fulfils your child's needs -
so that he or she won’t
seek love and support from someone else.
If you would like more
information, contact us at:
NYS Division of Criminal
Justice Services Office of Public Safety
Missing and Exploited
Children Clearinghouse
4 Tower Place Albany, NY
12203
1-800-FIND-KID or (518)
457-6326
A current listing
(photographs and biographical information) of all missing children
reported to
NYS MECC is available on our website at http://criminaljustice.state.ny.us
Copyrighted material
contained in this brochure
is reprinted with the
permission of
the National Center for Missing and
Exploited Children. All rights reserved.
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